The Truth About What Happens in Miscarriage
*** PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE MEDICAL ADVICE. I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL AND THIS IS MERELY INFORMATION BASED ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
What to Expect During a Miscarriage: A Conversation of Compassion and Truth
Sweet friend,
I’m so sorry you’re here, searching for answers about something no mother ever wants to experience. Maybe you’ve just come from the doctor’s office. Maybe they told you, “It will be like a heavy period.” like they told me. But if you’re anywhere past seven or eight weeks, I need to tell you the truth: that’s likely not what’s going to happen.
I wish someone had told me what I’m about to tell you because knowing what to expect can give you a sense of control and keep you out of fear when everything feels like it’s falling apart.
Let’s walk through this together.
What’s Happening in Your Body
When a miscarriage begins, your body starts a process that mirrors labor in many ways. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s also a beautiful reminder that your baby existed, just as real and tangible as if you were giving live birth. God designed your body to birth the same, even in loss.
Here’s what’s going on inside you:
1. The Contractions Begin
Your uterus, which was holding your baby, starts to contract to push everything out. These contractions can feel like intense cramps or sharp pains. They will likely not be in a consistent pattern, but the further along in pregnancy you are, the more likely they are to be consistent.
2. The Cervix Opens
To allow the baby and pregnancy tissue to pass, your cervix begins to dilate. This might feel like pressure or even sharp, stabbing pain low in your pelvis. Your cervix will NOT dilate as much as in full term labor.
3. Bleeding and Passing Tissue
The bleeding will likely start light but become heavy. You’ll know you’re going to pass larger clots and tissue when you feel the pain get significantly worse in a short period of time. Once you’ve passed the larger pieces, it will dull again. If you’re around roughly nine weeks or more you may see a recognizable baby, tiny as he may be.
But please be prepared- if you do choose to clean off the tissue in order to be able to bury the remains, the baby’s body may be in more than one piece due to the fragile nature of her tissue and the process of the birth.
What You Might See and Feel
Some who haven’t experienced it often describe miscarriage as “a heavy period,” but that doesn’t begin to capture what happens, especially if you’re past about eight weeks. Here’s what you might experience:
• The Bleeding
The amount of blood can be surprising. You might soak through pads quickly, and the clots can be large.
• The Pain
The cramping can be sharp and intense—like miniature labor pains. If you’ve taken medication to speed things up, the contractions may come on suddenly and with greater intensity.
• Seeing the Baby
If you’re past nine weeks, you may pass your baby. They might be small but recognizable, and this can be an overwhelming moment. Some women instinctively flush the toilet afterward. Please know this is a trauma reaction, and if this happens to you, please know you’re not alone, and it doesn’t reflect you as a mother OR your love for your baby.
• Exhaustion
Your body is doing hard, painful work. You’ll likely feel completely drained, both physically and emotionally.
How Miscarriage Mirrors Labor
No matter how far along you are, your body approaches miscarriage in a way similar to childbirth. Here’s how:
1. Hormones Shift
When the pregnancy ends, your body’s hormone levels drop, signaling your uterus to contract and release its contents.
2. Contractions and Expulsion
Just as in labor, your uterus contracts to push out the pregnancy. This is why the pain often comes in waves.
3. Shedding the Uterine Lining
After the baby and tissue are passed, your body sheds the uterine lining, which can cause bleeding for days or even weeks.
The further along you were in your pregnancy, the closer this process will feel to labor. It’s okay to feel shocked by how physically intense it can be.
Recognizing and Honoring the Loss
If you’re far enough along to see your baby, you may feel a strong need to acknowledge or honor them. This might mean holding your baby, naming them, or saying a prayer. For others, the shock and trauma might lead to a different reaction.
If you flushed the toilet, threw something away, or reacted instinctively in any way—hear me when I say this: That does not make you a bad mother. God knows your heart, and He holds your baby in His arms. There is no shame here.
What I Wish I Had Known
• It’s Going to Hurt
Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is not just a “heavy period.” It’s more like a miniature labor. Be prepared for pain, bleeding, and exhaustion.
• You May Bleed More Than You Expect
The amount of blood can feel overwhelming, especially if you’ve never been told to expect it.
• You’re Not Alone
Even if it feels like no one understands, there are women who’ve walked this path before you and who are ready to walk it with you.
Practical Steps for This Journey
1. Prepare Yourself
Stock up on heavy-duty pads and over-the-counter pain relief like ibuprofen. Avoid tampons or anything inserted vaginally.
2. Talk to Someone
Whether it’s your partner, a friend, or a counselor, don’t carry this burden alone.
3. Honor Your Baby
You might find comfort in a keepsake, like a piece of jewelry or planting a tree in their honor.
4. Seek Medical Care if Needed
If you’re soaking through two pads per hour, experiencing severe pain, or notice a foul smell, call your doctor immediately. Actually, call your doctor if you have any questions at all. That’s what they’re there for.
A Word of Comfort
Friend, this is hard. It’s so much harder than anyone prepared you for. But you don’t have to walk this alone. God sees every tear, every cry, every moment of confusion and exhaustion. He is with you, holding you, grieving with you.
You may not feel strong right now, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be. Take one moment at a time. When you don’t know what to do next, just do the next thing.
And know this: You are not alone. You are loved. And your grief matters.
XOXO,
